


Terror

by therainbowgay18



Category: The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Depression, F/M, I put trigger warnings ahead of chapters with them, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Insomnia, M/M, Minor Violence, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Past Rape/Non-con, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rape Aftermath, Rape/Non-con Elements, References to Depression, Sexual Violence, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Triggers, Underage Smoking, a fic I finished forever ago
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-26
Updated: 2019-03-26
Packaged: 2019-12-18 14:25:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 13
Words: 16,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18251660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/therainbowgay18/pseuds/therainbowgay18
Summary: Clarissa Fray is a mess.An alcoholic, life ruled by PTSD, insomnia, and depression, her only escape from the fear that makes her life hell is alcohol and cigarettes. The road to recovery isn't easy, and gets a whole lot worse when Jace and Sebastian Herondale enter her life.It's up to her if she wants to let one in, but will she do it at the risk of her life?Clarissa's road to recovery will be long, and this is only the beginning of it. There's a light at the end of the tunnel and she is determined to see it through. But will she, especially if Sebastian has anything to say about it?





	1. information

**Author's Note:**

> A fanfiction I finished a long time ago that I am moving to AO3. Maybe it'll motivate me to write the sequel???
> 
> I don't know....

**_TRIGGER WARNING_ **

There will be major trigger warnings! There will be:

  * Rape
  * Alcohol
  * Violence



Inspired by the video _When the Darkness Comes_ by xXWhispersOfDreamsXx on YouTube

To debunk myths of rape: _Bluegrass Rape Crisis Center_ website

To educate others on rape: _Rape Crisis Center_ website

Rape Crisis hotline is **021-447-9762**

Victims do not ask for it. No one asks to be raped.


	2. chapter 1

Clarissa Fray woke up screaming, sweat running down her skin and face. Panic set in, and she had trouble breathing, sucking in air, only to get no air at all

It's was like the red-haired teen was right back at the party again, and it was happening again

Clarissa yanked the top drawer open, and dug around inside, before pulling out a bottle of Fireball whiskey and a pack of Camels.

She twisted the lid off and down some of the whiskey, leaving a satisfying cinnamon taste, as well as a burn, in her throat. After downing some water, Clarissa walked over to her window, shaking, and opened it.

She shook a cigarette out, then pulled her Zippo out, lighting up the cigarette. Clarissa inhaled deeply, and let it out again. The cigarette hung from her fingers as the roar of the night greeted her like an old friend.

Her hand shook as she took another drag, closing her eyes. A single tear ran down her cheek, and then a few more. And in no time at all, Clary was sobbing, tears and snot running down her face.

She cried, cried for herself, cried for release, and cried for all the pain she's endured for the last two months. If she could only end it all, maybe she'd feel a hell of a lot better. But how would she explain to her mother why she'd killed herself, if she did it?

That monster took everything from her.

Clary ground out her cigarette on the windowsill, and picked up her sketchpad, sketching out a huge, dark figure, towering over her small white figure, the only contrast on her canvas.

She felt so small, so helpless.

No one would be able to understand her pain, her guilt and shame. She'd retracted from Simon, barely spoken to him in the last two months. He hadn't been pushy, but Clary felt that he was wondering about the sudden change in her demeanor.

"Damn him…" She whispered, a single tear rolling down her cheek.

Clary flung her sketchpad across the room, tossing her charcoal aside into the bucket she kept it in. She dug her heels into the bed, yanked a pillow between her knees and her chest, and leaned into it, muffling her sobs.

She never got back to sleep.

* * *

 

Clary held her coffee, downing a long sip as she walked into her English class. She was very sure that she'd failed her test, and was not looking forward to seeing it.

The coffee burned her tongue, but it woke her up a bit. The nightmare had woken her up, and her anxiety kept her up for the rest of the night.

She was going to have a very rough day.

Clary's eyes scanned the room as she headed for her seat, and then almost choked on her coffee. The seat behind her seat, the one that had never been occupied before, now was. A blonde boy with sharp gold eyes was seated there.

He yawned, and finally saw her. She couldn't breathe. He looked too much like the monster. Clary couldn't move, but forced herself to move and take the seat.

Tension rippled along her back and spine. She felt so stiff, and her heart was pounding so fast. Why did he look so much like the monster that plagued her nightmares? Who was he? Was he related to the monster?

"Clarissa Fray."

"Here." She stammered out, her hands unclenching and clenching.

She felt like vomiting. Her stomach was so twisted and knotted. This was the worst feeling in the world.

"Jace Herondale."

"Here."

_Oh, god, even his voice is like the monster's._

Clary had very little memory of that night, except for the key parts and important details.

His hands, throwing her down on the bed… His stupid laugh when she tried to fight him off… His voice as he asked if she liked it…

She shut her eyes, breathing in through her nose and out through her mouth, trying to stop the sobs before they escaped. She let out a low shaky breath, and wiped her eyes with her sweater, picking her coffee up and taking a long sip.

"Clary, do you mind show the new student around after school?"

She swallowed, and nodded, choosing not to answer in fear of how shaky her voice would be.

"Perfect. Now, class, turn to page 293 of your textbooks, and continuing reading The Raven while I hand out your tests."

Today was going to be a long day.

* * *

 

Well, she'd been right about that test. She'd completely bombed it. Mrs. Allices pulled Clary aside, and asked if anything was wrong. She mentioned that her grades had dropped considerably in the last two months.

There was going to be a meeting next month, and she was welcomed to join them if she wished for help to recover her grades.

Clary told her she had to think on it, and went outside to stare at her test. She shoved it into her bag, swearing softly under her breath. Today was going just horrible.

"Excuse me? It's Clarissa, isn't it?"

The red-haired teen jumped, and dropped her coffee. Clary let out a low sigh, watching what would've been the rest of her day spill across the white tile.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle you."

Clary looked up at him for the first time, and inhaled sharply. He sure  **did**  look exactly like the monster. It was like her nightmares had manifested into reality.

However, the only issue was that he seemed kinder than the monster.

That was the only flaw, the only thing that made it easy to tell them apart.

"It's alright. I didn't really need the coffee."

Clary knelt and picked up the soggy lid and cup, shaking it out. The janitor came by and set up his sign, forcing the two teens to move to the side as he mopped.

"Here."

Jace held out a ten-dollar bill, a half smile on his lips. Clary stared at the ten dollars, and turned away for a moment, tossing out her coffee cup.

"Um, not that I'm not grateful, but why?"

"It's kind of a long story. If you're willing to come sit with me at lunch, I'll tell you."

Jace shoved the money back into his wallet, the smile on his lips crinkling the edge of his eyes. Clary felt this sharp feeling in her chest, but it wasn't like panic.

It felt more like a pleasurable feeling.

"Sure, why not?"

* * *

 

Clary slid into her seat, tying her hair back to keep it out of her food. It was a nightmare trying to wash her hair free of food. The light curls she had never made it easy.

"Okay, man of mystery, what's the big story?"

Jace set his tray down, sitting and leaning back into his seat. His gold eyes searched hers for a moment, before leaning forward on his elbows.

"My parents didn't have it easy after I was born. My father lost his job when I was only a few months old. Money was tight, and they struggled financially for a year and a half. Lost the house, and so on."

Clary couldn't believe that this kind, kind person had suffered through that kind of life, even if he hadn't remembered it.

"A kind stranger gave my father money one day to get some necessities, and offered him a job. His name was Robert Lightwood. He's like an uncle to me. It's because of him that I like to send it forward, so to speak. I spend more time volunteering than being a normal teen."

Clary smiled softly, looking down at her food before shoving a bite of lasagna into her mouth. His story was an admirable one, she had to give the gold eyed boy that.

But there was that one stupid thing.

The fact that his face will forever remind her of the monster that plagues her sleep will never be lost on her.

Clary shoved another piece of lasagna into her mouth, hoping to keep her mind busy with a simple, remedial task such as chewing and swallowing.

"That's an admirable story. Does this Robert Lightwood have any children, by any chance?"

"That he does."

"Well, at least you know some people I know. My friend Simon is dating your 'cousin' Izzy."

"Ah. So, that's the mystery boy she's head over heels about. Izzy's been adamant about not telling Alec and I who it was."

"Well, you know now. So, you can tease her relentlessly about him. Just don't chew on Simon too much, please? It took him so much courage just to even ask Izzy on a date."

Jace chuckled, tucking his tray under Clary's. She wasn't even sure when he'd finished eating. But she didn't mind.

"I won't. But I can't say nothing for her brothers. Alec and Max are very protective brothers. And then there's Robert."

"I think Izzy's already got Simon worked up about Robert. Let's not add her brothers to the mix. Especially Alec."

Clary couldn't remember the last time she'd chatted so easily with someone except Simon, although that was strained sometimes, too, in the last two months alone.

It was nice. She could forget about her fears for a while.

Too bad it didn't last long.

* * *

 

She waited outside Jace's last class, which was, surprisingly, cooking. Clary didn't think Jace was much of a cook, but everyone had their surprises, she supposed.

"Hey, Clarissa."

Jace tucked a folded envelope under his arm, slipping his other arm through the strap of his backpack. His hair was all ruffled, probably from the hair net the students were required to wear during class.

"Your hair is a mess."

Clary stood on her toes, and flattened it a little, fixing it absent mindedly. She usually only did this with Luke, her stepfather, after he'd been at the shop all day constantly running his hands through his hair with stress.

She turned red and backed up, chewing her lip. Jace was slightly pink, and was rubbing the back of his neck, looking towards the ceiling. Embarrassment flooded through her.

"Sorry. I usually fix my stepdad's hair after he's been running his hands through it all day. Old habit."

"It's fine. Are you, um, ready to start the tour?"

"Yes. We're going through this hall first, and then into the art building. Okay?"

Jace nodded, and they started off together down the hall. Clary pointed out the different rooms, and told him which teachers were okay and which were a little rough around the edges.

"This is the art building. We have pottery in these first two rooms, painting in this room, photography over here, and live models in this room over here."

Clary looked to her side, only to find Jace was not there. She turned around and found him still parked by the art room. He was looking at a painting.

"Those are your initials, are they not?"

Jace pointed to the unpainted corner of the canvas, where a /strong. were carefully painted on. Clary chewed her lip, not wanting to answer him.

This had been a before painting, back to before the monster came into her life and turned her drawings and paintings dark. It was a sign of a better time.

"Yes, that's mine."

"It's incredible."

"It is, isn't it?"

If only things were different from now. If only her drawings, her paintings were bright like this one. Maybe she'd feel somewhat better.

"Jace, bro! I've been looking all over for you!"

Clary froze, a bucket of iced water being dumped over her head. She knew that voice, knew it much too well. And she was having severe trouble breathing right then and there.

She turned slowly, not totally facing Jace and the other person. But she caught his face and his name in the same sitting, and she felt the tears well up.

_Sebastian Herondale._

With a choking gasp, Clary turned around and took off down the hall, heading for the parking lot, heading for her beat-up Volkswagen.

Jace called for her, but all she could hear was the monster.


	3. chapter 2

Clarissa could barely see the road in front of her. She almost hit three separate cars on her way home. Blind, terribly blind, panic settled into her marrow, and it sent a heaving anxiety attack through her.

She'd seen Jace leave the art building as she twisted the key, forcing her car to roar to life. She could hear him calling her name, a confused look on his face, and that killed her further.

_He didn't even know the truth! Jace doesn't even know how much of a monster his brother even is!_

And she felt sorry for him, even more sorry than she's ever felt for herself.

Clary swung her car into the driveway. Her parents' cars were gone, which was a great relief to the red-haired girl. She turned the car off, thrusting her keys into the pocket of jeans.

And hit the steering wheel.

"Damn it! Damn it! DAMMIT!"

Another hit. Another throbbing stab to her hands.

"SEBASTIAN FUCKING HERONDALE."

Clary leaned her head against the wheel, a shaky half-laugh, half-sob leaving her mouth. Her hands hurt tremendously, but she didn't care.

Not a bit.

"The bastard has a fucking name! I finally know his damn name."

And then she sat back against the seat. She couldn't go to the police. Clary had no evidence, and she never got a rape kit done. There'd be no way to tie him to the crime.

Her phone rang, blasting Simon's name across the screen. Not wanting to fake being fine around him, Clary slide across the screen, ignoring the phone call.

_I've got homework to do._

* * *

 

Clarissa awoke with a start, feeling a sudden disturbance. It wasn't like her stepfather had come into her room unnoticed, but it was a feeling that would be invoked by a stranger.

She sat up slowly, and reached for the knife she'd had in her room, having been used to cut apples. Her left hand closed around the handle, and her right reached across her torso, finding the string to the lamp.

The light came on, and she breathed a sigh of relief. It was her mind playing tricks on her again. Clary placed the knife in the drawer in her side table, and took another deep breath.

Or so she thought, until a rock hit her window.

She stood slowly and approached the window at an angle. The sight below her window shocked her stupid.

Jace Herondale smiled up at her from under the light of her backyard. Clarissa had never been so speechless in her life. She opened her window and leaned out it.

"How did you even find my address?"

"You're not a hard person to find, Clarissa."

"Did you bribe Simon?"

"Maybe."

A small smile settled on his lips as he shrugged nonchalantly. That odd feeling from earlier returned, but with a vengeance. Clary wasn't sure what to make of it still.

"I'm coming down to unlock the back door. You must be out by dawn, or my stepfather will find you. He's got keen sense to detect a stranger. And the new guy in town? He'll find you easily."

Clary headed down the stairs quietly, avoiding the squeaky steps and tip-toeing across the floor to the back door. She turned the locks and opened the door wide enough to allow Jace through and quietly shut it.

"My room's up this way. Follow my movements, since there's some squeaky steps."

Clary lead him up the stairs, leading him around the steps that squeaked and quietly through the halls to her room. Luke stirred in the room he shared with her mom, and Clary stopped on the other side of the door, holding her breath to see if he got up.

He mumbled something in his sleep and rolled back over to face away from the door.

Clary let out a soft sigh of relief and lead Jace the rest of the way to her room, where he quietly shut the door. And she realized that her room was still a mess.

"Sorry if it's a mess. I've been too busy to clean it."

There. A half-truth. It's not a complete lie.

"It's fine. My room is no better, to be honest with you. Sebastian is always on me about cleaning it."

She stiffened, her lungs seizing up at the very mention of his name. Jace couldn't find out. If he found out, even found out what his brother did to her…

_No_. Jace can't find out. He might blame her. Say it was her fault and what not for what he did to her.

She can, and will not, risk that at any cost. No one knows what happened at the party except her and him. She will not risk her life being ruined by telling someone about the rape.

"Are you alright?"

His hand brushed her shoulder and she flinched away. The look on Jace's face…  _Oh, this was such a bad idea, letting him in here. I should've told him to go home._

**But, why didn't you?**

That stupid voice so needed to shut the fuck up.

"I'm fine. I… swear I am fine."

Clary turned from him and dug around in the drawer by her bed, pulling out her box of Camels and the Zippo. She returned to the open window, lighting up the cigarette between her teeth.

"Do you want one?"

"No, not much of a smoker. Why do you smoke?"

"Stress… And PTSD."

Jace didn't say anything to that, and they stood by the window in silence. Clary smoked her cigarette down to the filter and ground it out on the windowsill.

"Did something happen to you, Clary? Something that caused all this?"

Could she tell him? It's not like she's telling him  _who_ , but only  _what_. It couldn't hurt to say anything, could it?

"I…um… I was raped two months ago at a party."

 


	4. chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ||TRIGGER||
> 
> ||WARNING||
> 
> ||RAPE FLASHBACK||
> 
> ||TRIGGER||
> 
> ||WARNING||

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a rape flashback in this chapter! Please skip if too triggering for you!!

Jace didn't say anything at first, and then he reached across the space between them and stopped, his hands hovering by her shoulders.

"Is… Is this okay?"

Clary felt her throat choke up, and a single tear slide down her cheek. She nodded, and closed the space between the two teens. Her arms encircled his waist, and Jace's arms enclosed her shoulders, his mouth pressed tightly against her hair.

"I am going to go make some tea. And then we'll talk, if that's what you'd like."

Clary nodded against his chest, and Jace sat her on the edge of her bed, giving her shoulders a slight squeeze before disappearing downstairs.

"Try to keep it down!" She said softly, just loud enough for him to hear.

**He's making you tea. He didn't try to blame you or say anything about how it's your fault. He's not blaming you for the rape.**

_But how long will that last? Once he finds out Sebastian is the person who raped me at the party, he could easily dismiss me, blame me, make me think it's my fault. God, he could be heading out the door right this very moment._

**You're overthinking again.**

Clary didn't think of a clever response before Jace appeared with a single cup of tea. She smiled softly, and accepted the cup from him.

"I figured some honey and two lumps of sugar."

Clary smiled around the rim of the cup as she took a long sip. It was nice to not have to hide from the truth.

"How'd you know that I took my tea that way?"

"Lucky guess. My mom takes her tea the same way. Would you like to talk about this? It's totally up to you if you want to."

Clary sat the cup of tea down, running her thumb around the rim of the cup. If she kept certain details tucked away from the surface, it won't be a big deal, will it?

"I'd gone to a party two months ago, and I was having a great time, all fun and games. I'd gone to the bathroom, well, I didn't make it that far, and someone shoved me into a dark room. Forced me onto the bed. And…"

_My dress ripped down the middle, jagged and uneven. I struggled against him, shoving, pushing at him. I felt a whoosh of air and the stinging pain of skin against skin._

_He'd slapped me into submission. I was in a state of shock as he pulled my bra off, groped me, forced me to deal with his disgusting touch._

_He tried to shove his hand down my panties, but I wasn't having any of it, and I woke up a little, grabbing his arm and trying to force him off me._

_Another slap sapped any fight I had left in me. I let him pull my panties off, and force himself inside me. I was crying, confused as to why I was so aroused by being forced into having sex._

_I felt disgusted as his hands roamed my body, as he laughed, as he asked me if I liked it…_

"I felt completely shattered, broken, and completely slimy. I blamed myself at first. Saying I had flirted too much, that I'd had too much to drink."

Clary stared at the wall, facing away from Jace, her eyes watering a little. Jace was silent, listening the whole way through, no questions, no judgements or anything.

"It took some time, but I realized it wasn't my fault, that it'd never been my fault. I started to blame my rapist for what he'd done to me, and why I was so fucked up now."

"Did you ever find out who the guy was? Any discerning features?"

Clary sighed, closing her eyes as a few drops fell down her cheeks. Here was the question she was dreading. Hopefully, she was a good fucking liar.

"No. I haven't. And it was too dark in the room to see anything. I wished I had."

Not telling him that it was his brother who raped her wasn't such a big deal.

So why the hell did she feel so guilty about it?

* * *

 

Jace was there the next morning to pick her up for school.

On a motorcycle of all things.

Luke raised an eyebrow at her as she stared in disbelief. Jace hadn't mentioned that he drove a motorcycle when he offered to pick her up the next morning. There was no way in hell Luke or her mother were having any of it.

"Are you licensed to drive that?"

Jace pulled out his license and showed it to him, silent the whole time. Clary chewed her lip as she waited for Luke to say something, anything.

"Well… Your truck needed a tune up anyway, Clare-bear. Just make sure she wears a helmet."

"Well do, sir."

Clary flushed as Jace smirked at her, and she wished she'd melt into the ground right this minute. He handed her one of the two helmets and helped her adjust it to fit on her head.

"Clare-bear, huh?"

"Shut up."

Clary climbed on behind him, wrapping her arms around him. She waved goodbye, and then clung to Jace for dear life.

"Do they know?"

Clary chewed her lip, knocking the answer around her head a few times before letting out a soft breath.

"No, they don't. You are the only person I've told in confidence. My life is still turned upside down and hasn't righted itself yet."

Jace didn't say anything at first, slowing down at a red light. Clary hoped his silence wasn't a bad sign.

"Maybe you can tell them one day soon. If you told me, then that must mean you're healing."

Clary wasn't so sure about that. For some reason or another, she'd been able to tell him about her rape. Something about him made her want to confess everything.

The minute Clary told him that she'd been raped, she knew she'd stepped into dangerous territory. If Jace breathed a word of it to his brother,  _her rapist_ , it could end very, very badly.

A shudder slipped through her, and she tightened her arms around him.

"You okay back there?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

_Liar_.  _You are a liar. Why haven't you said anything yet? Tell him what kind of monster his brother is like!_

Clary wanted to tell him what his brother had done, but it rounded back to the same thought again: would he even believe her? Because once she said something, there was no going back.

And life could change for the worst.

* * *

 

Clary stayed behind in her art class, chewing her pencil, wishing she had some sort of idea for this art project. She had never had trouble before, trying and failing to think of something to draw, or paint, or sketch.

"Clary?"

Peeking up, she was surprised to find Simon standing over her. They hadn't spoken in a while, not since she shut him out so she could try and deal with the aftermath.

Suffice to say, it wasn't exactly going well.

"I was wondering if you'd like to join me for lunch."

She pursed her lips at the blank paper before her, and then shoved the pencil back into her pencil pouch.

"Sure."

They walked outside and to the nearby tree, camping underneath the shade of it. Simon pulled out his sandwich, still lovingly made by his mother every morning.

Clary pulled out a sandwich bag, filled with sliced bananas and apples, then a container with Nutella. She wasn't a big lunch eater, hadn't been since she was six.

That reminded her of the day she met Simon, and a small smile graced her lips. Hard to believe they were in high school now. The time seemed to have fled.

"So, what's been going on lately? You haven't answered my calls in a while."

Clary flinched, briefly downing a large gulp of water before picking her brain on how to respond.

"Sorry about that, Simon. I've had a lot on my mind."

"Anything you'd like to talk about?"

"Not really, Simon."

Simon took another bite of his sandwich, and chewed it, forcing himself to be silent for a few minutes before he swallowed.

"I miss you, Clary."

"I do, too, Simon. Just, I've got some things to deal with right now, and if I shut you out, I'm sorry about it. I just needed, and still need, time to figure things out."

He nodded and, for the first time in a while, Clary smiled since that horrid day last month. Maybe with time, she'd be able to tell the truth of that horrible night.

* * *

 

She spun the combination on her locker, humming a chorus under her breath as her music played through her headphones. The lock clicked and she opened the locker.

All her books and art supplies fell out, spilling out across the floor. A loud screamed came from the girl next to her as several live rats took off in all directions, save for the dead rat.

A single note fluttered to the floor as Clary backed away, and she swept it up, gripping the paper in both hands. Written in bold, choppy letters on a piece of her sketching paper was:

**If you tell, I will get you. A rat doesn't talk if they're dead.**

And then she threw up right then and there.


	5. chapter 4

"Feel better?"

Jace, an ever-constant source of reassurance lately, dabbed her forehead with the damp washcloth. Clary nodded slowly, so not to make herself nauseous again.

Jace took her to the nurse as soon as he could while the janitor, bless him, dealt with her vomit and saved some of her art supplies. While the nurse helped her change, Jace called her parents to let them know she got sick and he was taking her home.

He didn't know why she'd thrown up, or what had transpired.

Clary still had the note clenched in her hands. The principal had come and questioned her, but she said it must have been a stupid prank and shrugged it off.

But she knew the truth. Sebastian knew that she knew that he'd raped her. And was determined to make sure that she stayed silent.

Even if it meant silencing her permanently.

A violent shiver went through her at the idea that he would murder her to forever maintain his innocence and keep his spotless reputation all that anyone will ever see.

"What's this?"

Jace poked the paper in her hands and she looked down at it, wondering if she should let him see it. But this was getting too close.

Jace was getting too close.

"It's nothing. Like I said, it was a stupid prank. Just someone's attempt to be funny that failed."

Clary shoved the paper into her backpack, all the way to the bottom. She was shoving him away, that she knew, but who knows what Sebastian would do, what he would say, if he knew that Jace knew of what he did.

Even if Jace didn't realize that he knew about his brother's crime.

"I'm ready when you are."

Wordlessly, the two teens got their permission slips to leave from the office, and both climbed onto Jace's bike. The ride home was quiet, as they both contemplated the events of today, one the truth and the other a lie.

_I feel so guilty, lying to him. But I don't know what Sebastian will do. I know how violent he can get, and what happened today only proves that this is getting dangerous._

_It's because I'm getting too close. And I'm dragging Jace into the line of fire. He could get hurt. And it'd be all my fault._

How can I protect her?

* * *

 

Jace pulled into the driveway outside Clary's house. Her truck was gone, most likely at the garage getting the tune up Luke had been talking about this morning.

_To think, that it was only a few hours ago that we were talking about my truck needing a tune up._

Clary climbed from Jace's bike, undoing the clasp under her chin, and placed the helmet on his bike's handle. Jace took her bag, and she raised an eyebrow at him.

"I'm not weak, you know."

"I know. You're the strongest person I know."

Clary's throat worked a little, as tears threatened to fall. For the last two months, Clary's desperately clung to her strength, hoping and failing as the nightmares, the insomnia, the fear gripped her tight and drained her strength.

She knows it's not her fault but being stuck in an endless loop of nightmare after nightmare, sleepless night after sleepless night, the constant anxiety and depression was wearing her down.

Clary didn't think she had any strength left.

"Come on. I think you need a bath. Might make you feel better, hmm?"

She nodded as Jace wrapped his arm around her shoulders, leading her to the door. Unlocking the door, Clary gently extracted herself from Jace, who dropped her bag by the door.

She took the stairs two steps at a time, Jace following close behind. Clary grabbed a t-shirt and pair of pajama pants before turning to Jace, just catching the worried look on his face.

"I'll be fine. I swear."

"Ok. I'll stay out here if you need anything."

She nodded, and walked into the bathroom, shutting the door behind her with a soft click. Clary dropped her clothes on the back of the toilet and bent over to turn the water on. She placed the plug in and undressed, slipping into the tub.

Clary closed the curtains, covering everything except her head, leaning back against the wall facing her parents' room. She was quiet, watching the water fill the tub. Using her foot, she turned the water off, and closed her eyes.

But the words from the paper in her backpack wouldn't stop bouncing around her head.

"Jace?"

A few creaky steps later, the door opened slightly, and Jace stuck his head in. A lone lock of blonde hair fell across his forehead, and Clary kneaded her lip.

"What's up?"

"I don't want to be alone right now."

In wordless agreement, Jace took a seat on the floor opposite her, and held his hand out to her. Clary slide her arm around the curtain, thankfully still covered, and placed her hand in his.

"You must do this often."

"Not really, no. Only with Izzy. She's like a sister to me, you know? If she hurts, I hurt. It's like that."

His thumb stroked her knuckles, something so simple that it made Clary feel better then before. Clary felt no fear from Jace, not like when she was near Sebastian. Jace was too good for her, too good to her.

"I feel better when you're around." She said softly.

Jace turned his hand over in hers, and her fingers slid through his. Neither spoke, but it hung in the air, like a fog. Something was happening, and they both knew it.

How it ended, they'll have to see. Clary didn't want to rush it, ruin it. It was like a vase, delicate and breakable. It could shatter if she pushed it too hard too soon.

"The water's cold."

Jace gave her hand a squeeze, and then let go, standing up. Clary felt a surge of warm go through her, straight to her heart. It was like she'd taken a big swig of Fireball.

"I'll leave so you can dry off and change."

Jace went back out the door, shutting it behind him. Pulling the plug, Clary climbed out onto the rug by the tub, and grabbed the towel off the towel rack.

Quickly drying off, she pulled the pants on, then yanked the shirt over her head. Hanging the towel up, Clary left the bathroom, turning the light off behind her.

Jace was sitting on her bed, legs crossed at his ankles. He patted the bed next to him, and at first, she seemed a bit reluctant. Even though it was Jace, she kept seeing Sebastian.

"Oh, uh, sorry. Probably makes you think of your rapist, huh?"

"A little bit, but you're not him, Jace. You're not like him at all."

Clary climbed on the bed next to him, crossing her legs and laying her head on his shoulder. Even though Jace was related to her attacker, Clary didn't feel any fear around him. He'd been nothing but kind, before and after she revealed that she'd been raped.

"I feel better when you're around, Jace. The darkness backs off a little when I'm with you."

"Well, I'll stick around as long as you'll have me."

His fingers pushed the still damp locks of Clary's hair back, and her eyes closed. His lips brushed against the top of her head, sending goosebumps over her skin.

And then her fucking phone started ringing.

They broke apart, and Jace picked her phone up from the side table, looking at the caller ID. Clary watched his face as he checked who was calling.

"It's Simon. Do you want to answer it?"

Clary held her hand out for the phone, and Jace placed it in her palm. There was no doubt about it. She was healing, even if it was a little at a time.

"Hey, Simon…"


	6. chapter 5

"Hey, Simon…"

Jace stood off to the side while Clary spoke to Simon. Something she must not have done in a while, based on the look on her face. A single curl of red hair hovered by her jaw, and Jace felt the urge to move it back behind her ear.

He also wanted to push her hair aside and kiss her cheek. Or her neck.

But Jace wouldn't act on it any time soon. Clary was still raw, still trying to recover from the damage her rapist did. And he didn't want to ruin the baby steps she'd taken so far.

Telling him she was raped. Talking to Simon again.

But he didn't like that she was keeping secrets either. Jace snuck back downstairs before he'd joined her in the bathroom and found the paper from her locker.

The words alone did not deem it a prank, not in the slightest. It was from her rapist no doubt. But if Clary's rapist was there in their school, why did she say she had no idea who it was?

He wasn't going to push. Pushing her was the last thing he wanted to do. Jace would wait, and hope she told him the truth, whatever that truth may be.

"Hey, Jace…"

Clary had the phone away for a moment, her green eyes that reminded him of sea glass trained on him. Jace joined her, sitting down on her bed.

"What's up?"

"Simon's band is playing tomorrow night. Do you want to join me?"

"Sure. I'm gonna go find something to snack on. Are you hungry?"

She nodded, having returned the phone back to her ear. Jace stood and headed out her door and down the hall to the stairs. As he descended, he could hear Clary asking Simon if they'd changed the band name again.

Jace leaned against the island for a moment, pressing his palms into his eyes. He'd just gotten a call from Alec, reminding him that his family was having dinner with them tonight.

Which means he'd have to leave to go home and change to be there on time.

Jace had completely forgotten about their weekly dinners. It's something they'd done since Alec's father had helped Jace's father out after he'd been born.

He found some apples and a knife, then carried them up to Clary. She was laying on her bed, eyes closed, her phone on the stand next to her.

"Clary?"

Her eyes opened, and she sat up, greeting him with a soft smile. That conversation with Simon had done something to her. She looked happier, brighter. Like her shine hadn't been dulled before.

"Hey."

"Hey."

Clary scooted over to make room for Jace, and he sat down next to her, handing the apples and knife over. Placing the plate on her lap, she began carefully peeling an apple with the knife.

"Want one?"

"No thanks. That's mostly for you. You did throw up, after all."

Clary cut a piece off, and shoved into her mouth, chewing thoughtfully. Jace crossed his legs, letting out a soft sigh.

"Do you think you'll be alright alone? I don't have to go if you don't."

She waved her hand dismissively.

"I think I'm okay again. I appreciate the concern, Jace. But if you have somewhere to be, I can survive a few hours."

"Are you sure?"

"Very." She shoved him lightly. "Go."

"Okay, okay."

Jace climbed off her bed, ruffled her hair, and headed downstairs. He turned back to the direction of her room.

"Make sure to call Luke! Let him know I'm leaving, okay?"

"I will!"

Jace grabbed his bag and helmet, locking the doorknob behind him so she'd feel a little more secure alone. He climbed onto his bike, donning the helmet, and starting it.

With one last look at Clary's bedroom window, worry kneading his stomach, Jace drove off, hoping she'll be alright like she said she would be.

* * *

 

Jace turned the water off, stepping out of the shower, grabbing the towel. He quickly dried off his hair and took the hair dryer to it.

He had twenty minutes to fix his hair, dress, and get to Alec's house before dinner. His mother would kill him if he was even a second late.

Dragging a brush through his hair, Jace also dialed Alec's number, hitting the speaker button. As it rang, he worked out a slight knot in his hair, swearing.

"Jace?"

"Alec, good. Are my parents there?"

"They're chatting with my parents. What's up?"

"Can you tell them I'll be there soon? I had to shower."

"You got it. We'll see you soon."

"Thanks."

Alec hung up, and Jace squeezed out some hair gel into his hand, rubbed his hands together, and ran his fingers through his hair. He then brushed it back, so he looked decent.

Although Isabelle said he always looked good.

He never let her live that down. That was when they first met, only fifteen years old. Back then, they flirted, mostly for giggles, but it never went anywhere.

And he's glad it didn't.

Simon's a great guy. Okay, maybe he cornered him after Clary said something, mostly to get to know him and to warn him that if he broke Isabelle's heart, he and Alec would break something of his.

Jace chuckled, and straightened his tie, then grabbing his phone, taking the stairs two at a time. He pulled on his dress shoes, a touch scuffed, and grabbed the keys to his Toyota Corolla.

Jace liked his Toyota but preferred his bike over it.

As he walked to his car, his phone chimed, and so Jace stopped for a second to check it before he got in and started the car. It was from Clary.

Am I to assume you're picking me up tomorrow?

Obviously.

Their set starts around 7:30. 7 okay for you?

Yeah.

Have fun at wherever you are tonight!

:)

Jace chuckled and opened the driver side's door, tossing his phone on the passenger seat briefly as he climbed in. He shoved his phone in the console and buckled up.

The car started with a roar, then idled, vibrating slightly. Jace adjusted his mirrors, pulled to the entrance, checked for cars and drove off for Alec's house.

* * *

 

Sebastian was outside, an unlit cigarette between his fingers as he flipped the lid open and closed. He was clearly thinking. Jace could see the smoke leaving his ears.

"I thought you quit." Jace clicked the lock button on the key fob, joining Sebastian on the steps.

"I did. It's a hard habit to break."

Jace jerked his head towards the door, and Sebastian put the cigarette and lighter away, leading him up and through the door.

Izzy was the first to greet them. She threw her arms around Jace, and he squeezed her back in equal measure. She laughed, a nice twinkle of one.

"Hey, Iz."

"It's been awhile, Jace."

"It has."

Izzy released him, turned to Sebastian and hugged him.

"Hello, Sebastian."

"Isabelle."

The two had always been oddly formal with each other, but no one bothered to question it. They could be fighting. That would be worse, since Iz can be terrifying when she's angry.

Sebastian left them after the curt exchange between the two, leaving Jace and Iz alone in the foyer. Jace slung his arm over her shoulder, leaning on her.

"So, I hear your boyfriend's band is playing tomorrow."

"Clary told you, didn't she?"

"I mean, I'm acquainted with her, and she's friends with Simon, so… Yes?"

"She could never keep secrets. Then again, neither can Simon. You haven't told Alec, have you?"

"Of course, I haven't. He's not ready to face Alec's brand of "don't hurt Izzy or he'll hurt him". Remember when he thought  _we_ were dating?"

Izzy buried her face in her hands, mumbling an "oh god" at the memory. Jace chuckled, patting her arm.

"It was the most embarrassing moment of my life. I was only fifteen. You and I knew it was a bit of harmless flirting, but Alec, oh lord, he just blew. Didn't even wait for us to explain. He broke two of your ribs, if I remember."

Jace winced, rubbing his right side in remembrance. He couldn't play anything sport wise for four weeks because of it.

"I swear it still twinges in pain from time to time."

"If it does, it's probably because you were a stubborn ass and moved about when you weren't supposed to."

"I probably did."

"Iz, Jace, dinner's ready."

Jace removed his arm from her shoulders and offered it to her, a small smirk on his face.

"Milady?"

Iz linked her arm through his, concealing the laugh that wanted to escape as they walked through to the dining room, where a dinner of turkey, mashed potatoes, yams, corn, peas, and a covered dessert awaited.

* * *

 

Iz and Alec cleaned up after dinner, bringing the dishes into the kitchen to be washed. Their mother, Maryse, commandeered the help of Alec and Jace to clean all the dishes.

Iz walked down the hall off the kitchen that lead to the main hall, where their rooms resided, as well has three bathrooms. She pulled her hair free of its' ponytail, giving it a fluff to return it to its' normal state.

A hand grabbed her arm and yanked her into a side hall, where they would not be seen. She yelped, nearly knocked off balanced. The person slammed her into the wall, pearly white teeth bared.

"Hello, Izzy."

She glared, irritated as well as annoyed. How dare he confront her in  _her_ house? Someone will hear, and he gets off it.

"Jace has been acting off lately. Ever since we moved here. Especially when it comes to that red-head."

"Well, it's not like I know why!"

"But maybe you do. Jace has been looking into rape centers, rape symptoms. Now why would he be doing that?"

"How would you know what he's looking at?"

"I've got eyes and ears everywhere, Izzy. You know that better than anyone."

Izzy gulped. She did know that, and that's what made her so scared of him.

"Now, tell me, Iz. Have you said anything to him?"

"Of course not! You'd be dead already if he did. I have nothing gained from telling him."

"Good. Let's keep it that way."

He let go of her, and walked back down the hall, like he hadn't just threatened her. Stupid happy-go-lucky bastard.


	7. Mini-chapter|Valentine's Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ||Check Beginning Note||
> 
> ||check ending note||

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This mini chapter is to break up the drama a little bit, and clears up the time line. Izzy and Simon have been dating awhile at this point in time, which that time will be mentioned in this mini-chapter. To clear any confusion, Jace and his family moved here at the end of January, and the next chapter after this will take place several weeks after the "prank" in the chapters prior to this. If confused, read the two chapters before this to clear things up. Which means we could be reaching the end of this fanfiction soon. How soon, I cannot say. BUT THERE WILL BE A SEQUEL. I'm not done with this story yet. It needs a proper conclusion, which it will not get here. So, onward we shall go! Do enjoy this and have a wonderful Valentine's Day!

Isabelle Lightwood never got nervous. Until today, that is.

It's Valentine's Day, a day she used to scuff at because it was a day for boyfriends and girlfriends, significant others. It was not a day for people like her, who didn't have time for dating, just wanted to have a quickie and be on their way.

But now she had a boyfriend. A cute, nerdy boyfriend who could recite Star Wars facts like it was nothing.

And now she was trying to decide between her red dress with the slit up her leg or a LBD. Groaning, Isabelle fell back on her bed. Why was this so difficult? She never had any problems with this before.

_Maybe it's because this is your first Valentine's Day with someone whose more of a boyfriend then a one off._

"Izzy?"

Clary, bless her, wouldn't judge her for being so indecisive. The red head stepped into the room, surveying the scene before her. Isabelle sighed, running her hands down her face.

"Need some help?"

"I never thought the day would come, but yes. You know Simon best. Should I wear the red dress or the LBD?"

"I'm ignoring that first comment, and Simon would love you in anything you wore, but I recommend the LBD. The red dress is more fancy dinner."

Izzy tossed the dress back into the closet, vowing to hang it up later. She pulled the LBD over her head, turning to Clary to zip her up.

"Should I leave my hair down or up?"

"Down. Simon never shuts up about how he likes running his fingers through your hair."

Izzy turned red but chose to ignore it as she brushed her hair. Clary let out a soft chuckle. Izzy glared at her through the mirror.

"He's got you smitten."

"Oh, hush. Is Jace here?"

"He will be. He's getting some pizza for us while we watch some cheesy romance movies."

Izzy's phone dinged, and Clary picked it up from her bedside table.

"It's Simon. He's downstairs waiting. Are you ready?"

Izzy nodded, strapping on her heels and checking her makeup in the mirror before taking her phone and purse from Clary.

"Have a good time."

"You, too. Tell Jace I said hello."

Simon managed to keep his composure when she came down the stairs. Alec was right there and would not hesitate to put him in his place if he'd stared.

"You'll be back at a decent time."

"Of course, we will, Alec. Stop being a mother hen."

Alec shook his head at her but relented in what would've become a tirade. Simon offered his arm to her and she took it, waving goodbye to Alec.

After opening her door for her and settling into her seat as Simon backed up and drove away, Izzy let out a sigh of relief. Simon took her hand in his free one, interlocking their fingers.

"Better?"

"Now that we're away from Alec, yes. He can be such a mother hen sometimes. It's so frustrating."

His thumb stroked her knuckles, and she relaxed into the familiar action. Since they started dating in October, five months already, this has been a source of relaxation for her.

* * *

 

They arrived at a concert hall in Manhattan. The Trans-Siberian Orchestra was playing tonight, and Jordan had to back out a few days ago when both he and Maia came down with the flu.

Hopefully they were having a good Valentine's Day, despite having the flu.

Izzy climbed out from the passenger side, Simon's hand in hers. She shut the door behind her, and Simon manually locked the car since he shorted the key fob out after accidently dropping it in a lake when they went for a boat ride.

She chuckled at the memory, catching Simon's attention.

"And what, may I ask, are you laughing about?"

"Just you dropping the key fob in the lake that one time."

"You're never gonna let me live that down, will you?"

"Nope."

* * *

 

"So, what are we watching first?"

Jace placed the pizza down on the coffee table in Alec's living room. He'd left for the night to go spend Valentine's day with his boyfriend, Magnus.

Clary was kidnapped by Izzy because she couldn't decide on an outfit, which is new for the raven-haired teen. She never had a problem deciding on an outfit for a date, but this was her first Valentine's Day with a boyfriend, so it's plausible.

"Alright, so I've got  **10 Things I hate About You** ,  **John Tucker Must Die** ,  **How To Lose a Guy In 10 Days** ,  **The Ugly Truth** ,  **Friends With Benefits** ,  **What Happens in Vegas** ,  **Never Been Kissed** ,  **Leap Year** ,  **Love Actually** ,  **Chasing Liberty** ,  **One Day** , and  **Before Sunrise**. I was thinking  **Never Been Kissed** or  **John Tucker Must Die**  first. What's your opinion?"

"Definitely  **John Tucker**."

Clary popped the movie in and plopped down beside Jace, who was munching on a slice of pizza.

"Ready for a night of cheesy romance?" Clary asked, pressing play on the movie menu with a mischievous grin on her face.

* * *

 

Izzy shifted her position, her hand in Simon's between them. This felt weird still. Valentine's Day dates weren't her thing, and she should've made Simon aware of that, but it was too late now.

The lights went up for the intermission and she let out a breath she didn't realize she was holding. Simon stood, letting her hand go.

"Do you want something to drink?"

"A soda will do fine."

He nodded, dropping a kiss to her cheek before disappearing down the aisle to get to the condiment stand. Izzy smiled to herself, her cheeks flushing slightly.

"Do you see that couple in front of us?"

Izzy stiffened, keeping her body forward, willing herself not to snap at the women talking behind her. The words she heard next made her stomach churn.

"She's so out of his league. Is she just with him for fun? That poor man."

Izzy abruptly stood, grabbing her purse and moving down the aisle as fast as she could. She stormed out of the amphitheater, her hair flowing behind her in her rage.

_How dare they just assume anything about my relationship with Simon!_

Tears threatened to ruin her makeup as she stormed past the concession stand. Simon was third in the line, but Izzy saw him leave the line as soon as he saw her storm pass.

She made it outside before he caught up with her, catching her hand.

"Izzy, what's wrong? Why are you so upset?"

She sniffled, and the tears just broke through. For the second time in her life, she cried so hard that she developed hiccups from the sobbing.

"T-These women in the amphitheater were being so rude, talking about us. They wondered why I w-was with you, if I was leading you on!"

Simon wiped her face with his jacket sleeve, then pressed a kiss to her forehead. Her eyes closed, her hands gripping the front of his shirt.

"I'm taking you home."

"But, our date—"

"No buts. I'm taking you home, you'll change into something comfortable, and we'll just lay in your bed and watch a cheesy movie or something equally funny."

His arm encircled her waist, where she pulled him down for a kiss before leaning her head on his chest.

"So, what's this about you liking my hair down so you can run your fingers through it?"

"I swear I'm gonna kill Clary…"

Izzy let out a loud laugh, squeezing his waist

* * *

 

Clary fell asleep in the middle of  **Chasing Liberty** , leaving Jace to try and stay awake.

Her red hair spilled across his shoulder as she softly snored. Jace chuckled, having sat back against the corner of the couch just before she fell asleep.

He toyed with one of her curls, twisting it lightly around his finger.

"What are you doing to me, Clary? Why do I feel like I do around you?"

She snored on, obviously to Jace's internal tirade of emotions. Jace yawned, and leaned his head against the pillow, nodding off as the end credits rolled.

* * *

 

"Shhh, Simon! Clary and Jace are asleep!"

Simon peeked around the corner at his best friend and smiled softly. Izzy giggled, and dragged him over to her room.

"I'll go change really quick. Alec isn't here tonight, so we don't have to worry about him finding you in my room."

Izzy disappeared inside, the door closing behind her, and undressed, removed her makeup and pulled on some comfortable shirt and sweatpants.

She opened her door and motioned for Simon to come on in. They got comfortable on her bed and found a cheesy romance movie on demand to watch.

They ended up falling asleep with their hands linked together, spooning.

All in all, a perfect end to a perfect Valentine's Day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that wraps up Valentine's Day for our two main couples! And yes, Malec made a brief appearance. I love Malec to death, and hope to make them more prominent in the sequel. Anyway, have a great day and I'll see you all in the next update!


	8. chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ||TRIGGER||
> 
> ||WARNING||
> 
> ||CHECK BEGINNING NOTES||

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING (Clary & Sebastian in the same room = major triggers)

It's been three weeks since the "prank", which is all Clary will refer to it as, and that's only to Jace. They'd spent Valentine's Day watching cheesy romantic movies while Izzy and Simon went on a date and Alec spent the night at Magnus' place.

It'd been nice, relaxing. She did not want to be alone and tried to spend as much time as she could with Jace or Simon. Not being alone kept the panic attacks at bay.

Whenever she saw Sebastian, though, she felt sick. He had threatened her, threatened to kill her if she ever said anything.

And she already was threatened by her dreams, she didn't need to be threatened by the real thing, too.

Although it was way too late for any of that, too late to take any of it back. Clary had no idea what Sebastian's next move was, or when it'd happen, but she was left with no options or leverage over him if he came after her.

Whatever happened next could end in bloodshed.

"Hey, Clary."

Jace swung around to her right side, slinging his arm over her shoulder. She chuckled, wrapping her free arm around his waist. As much as it seemed like they were dating, they weren't, no matter what the rumors that swirled around said.

The night of the gig, Clary had almost had a panic attack in front of Jace. Sebastian had been there, hidden in a corner, out of Jace's sight.

She managed to keep it under control, hold it off until she got into the bathroom and locked the door. Then she cried, gasping, shaking and dry heaving until the attack subsided.

By the time she'd returned, Sebastian was gone, but his message had been clear.

_I'm watching_.

"Hey, Clary, Jace."

Simon joined up on her left side, keeping pace with them. Clary linked her free arm through Simon's, smiling softly. She felt safer with these two by her side.

"And how was your date with Izzy?"

"It was great. We had a great time. The Trans-Siberian Orchestra was fantastic. And you?"

"Watching cheesy romantic movies with popcorn and pizza? It was nice, relaxing. We had a good night. Alec left not even twenty minutes after you guys left."

"At least we all had a good Valentine's Day."

Clary nodded in agreement with Simon, as the three broke through the crowd towards Clary's locker. She slipped out from under Jace's arm and free of Simon's arm, spinning the dial.

"Are we still on for lunch?"

"Yeah."

"I've gotta work in the art room at lunch. Got a project due soon. Can you two behave while I'm not there?"

"Yeah, of course."

"You have so little faith in us, Clary."

Clary let out a laugh, and pulled out her biology, sociology, and calculus books.

"Maybe I do, maybe I don't. Today will be a chance to find out whether you will be able to do so."

Simon shook his head, and Jace rolled his eyes. Clary shut her locker and put a hand on her hip, blowing a lock of red hair out of her face.

"Alright, guys. Jace, I'll see you later, okay?"

"Definitely."

Clary took off for Sociology, shoving herself through the crowd of people. She got a few glares for shoving, but damn if she would give a shit about anyone getting pissed.

* * *

 

As she sat in Calculus, her phone vibrated in her pocket. She made sure the teacher wasn't looking, and pulled her phone out, sliding it open.

There was a text from an unknown number.

_Come to the gym at lunch. We need to talk, Clarissa Fray. I'm always watching._

Clary felt her stomach drop unpleasantly. It was Sebastian. There was no doubt about it.

He was making his next move. And now she had to hope she wasn't going to end up dead.

* * *

 

Clary knew Simon and Jace were at the opposite end of the school, and took off for the gym, speed walking through the lunch crowds.

She entered the empty gym, her footsteps echoing off the walls. Sebastian stood at the center, bouncing a basketball in front of him.

"Hello, Clarissa."

"Don't you even dare say my name, you bastard. You don't deserve that right or that luxury."

Sebastian caught the ball in his hands, and turned to her, a smirk on his mouth. She wanted to slap him so hard, slap that smirk off his fucking face.

"So, it's true. You know it was me who popped your cherry."

"I've known since Jace's first day! And you didn't pop it, because popping it would've meant I  _agreed_  to have sex with you. You forcibly took my virginity from me!"

"But you  _liked_ it."

Clary raised her hand and swung it back, rearing up for the slap of a lifetime. Her hand swung, aiming for his cheek, but she was stopped. Sebastian's grip was tight, and he gave her wrist a sharp twist.

She cried out.

"I suggest you watch yourself, Clary. You know what I'm capable of."

"What do you possibly want, Sebastian? I'm suppose to be working on an art project right now, and if Jace comes looking—"

"That's what I wanted to speak to you about. Jace is too close to this. You know that, and I know that. You need to end whatever you have going on with Jace, now."

"Or you'll do what? I hope you know he knows nothing about what you did."

"But he knows you were raped. It would not be long before he put two and two together."

Clary glared at Sebastian, yanking her hand free of his grip.

"And what will you do? He's your brother."

"Blood or not, I will not hesitate to harm him in a way that he does not realize that it is me hurting him."

Clary felt all the color sink from her face. Sebastian was serious. He'd go as far to hurt Jace to make sure she did as he commanded of her.

"Please. Don't do anything to him. I'll cut things off with him. Okay? I'll hurt him if that's what I gotta do."

"Good. Let me know as soon as it's done. Then I'll leave you be."

The bell rang, and Clary left the gym, tearing her way through the crowds. She had only one other class with Simon, but she managed to keep any sort of pain out of her voice, and not let her best friend onto what she would have to do.

He would stop her, insist that she tell Jace. Clary could barely keep what happened to her from him, let alone a secret this big.

* * *

 

Jace was waiting for her after class. Clary had dreaded it, tried to make herself take longer so that hall cleared and no one else would see what she was about to do.

"Hey, Clary."

"Hey."

Jace had his hands in his back pockets, leaning against the wall. He'd been waiting awhile, so long that he'd adopted a relaxed pose.

It almost made what she was going to do next unbearable.

"Um, Jace, I, uh, think we should stop hanging out."

Jace's face dropped, and the hurt in his eyes was almost physically painful. Clary felt like she'd been punched in her solar plexus.

"I'm sorry, Jace. I'm so sorry."

"But why? Why the change all of the sudden?"

"I just don't want to be involved with you anymore. I'm sorry, Jace."

Clary skirted around him, and took off down the hall, desperate to get out and get home before the tears threatened to betray her, betray the truth.

"Clary!"

_Ignore him. Don't let him see how much this hurts._

"You can't walk away from me!"

"I can, and I will!"

Jace grabbed her arm, spinning her around. Clary struggled to get free, feeling like she was choking on the pain, the hurt. She had to get away, now.

"I DON'T WANT TO BE FRIENDS ANYMORE, JACE!"

Jace released her, and Clary took off in a streak of red, tears blurring her eyesight. She ran all the way home, and collapsed in the front hall, crying.

_It's done_. _I hope you're happy!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we're getting into the thick of it! Sebastian is dead set on making sure Jace never learns the truth. But Jace is as hard headed as they come, and he's not letting Clary walk away. I'll see you all in the next update! Drop a like and leave a review if you want to!


	9. chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ||TRIGGER WARNINGS||
> 
> ||CHECK BEGINNING NOTES||
> 
> ||FOR LISTED TRIGGERS||

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: Rape, and explaining what's happened in the time since the rape.

Clary ignored all texts or calls from Simon. He left voicemail after voicemail, text after text, all demanding the same thing.

_Why did you end things with Jace?_

Clary didn't know where to begin, on how to explain why she did what she did. And there was no guarantee that Sebastian wouldn't make sure Simon stayed out, too.

Clary couldn't risk Simon, too. She'd already brought Jace in too close, almost into the line of fire. It would've burned them both.

Clary spent all weekend in her room, claiming she felt ill. And she did feel ill, and she'd thrown up seven times in the last few days.

She blamed it on how horrible she felt about what she said to Jace. Anyone would be sick over that kind of situation.

"Clarissa?"

Clary looked up from her sketchpad, charcoal coloring her hands and fingers grey. Jocelyn leaned against the doorjam, her red hair piled in a messy bun. A single lock of red hair fell along her face. Laugh lines graced her lips and eyes.

"Are you feeling any better?"

"Yeah, a little."

"You're sketching. Been awhile since I've seen you sketch."

Jocelyn dropped onto the bed by Clary, leaning back against the headboard, crossing her legs at the ankle. Clary laid her sketchpad down and leaned her head on her mother's shoulder.

"Mom, if…if I kept a secret from you, hypothetically, how angry would you be?"

"It really depends on the secret. Does it have to do with drugs or alcohol?"

"Not exactly."

Jocelyn remained quiet for a moment, rolling that answer over in her head before speaking again.

"Clary, no matter the secret, you can tell me when you're good and ready, okay, sweetie?"

Clary nodded, grateful for her mother. She was like a rock. A single tear rolled down her face. God, she was a mess. A super fucking mess.

"Maybe you can tell me why Jace hasn't been around lately? Or why you've been avoiding Simon like he's got the plague?"

"It's a really, really long story, mom. I'm not even sure where to begin. But when I know where to start, I'll get back to you on that."

"Okay, Clare-bear."

_Where do I even begin?_

* * *

 

" _It's Clary. I'm probably painting and have loud music playing. Leave a message at the beep_."

Simon swore and hung up. Izzy rubbed his arm, her fingers skimming over his skin.

"Is she still not answering?"

"I'm still getting her voicemail. And she's getting my voicemails, because her mailbox isn't getting full. But she's just choosing to not respond to my calls and texts."

Izzy remained quiet, turning his hand over in hers, tracing the lines that made up his palm. Simon pressed a kiss to her temple, then rested his cheek on her head.

"Simon… I need to talk to you. And you need to not freak out, okay?"

"You're not breaking up with me, are you?"

"Of course not! Dummy, we just went on our first Valentine's Day date. Why would I end things?"

"Honestly, Izzy, it was a stupid question of me to ask."

Izzy sat up, took a deep breath and braced herself for the explosion to follow.

* * *

 

Jace had never felt so…destroyed. It was like he'd been crushed under an elephant. He could barely breath.

He hadn't heard from Clary in days, not a single text or call. Simon's tried to get ahold of her, but to no avail. The fact that she even refused to answer Simon's calls and texts proved that she was avoiding them both.

Jace has no idea what had changed her, why she'd suddenly wanted nothing to do with him. But he hurt, bad.

"I've never seen you so… broken. Jace, what the hell happened to you?"

Alec sat in the chair in the corner of his room, legs over the arm, a book in his hands. Jace sat up against the headboard of his bed, just sitting there with his phone balanced on his knee.

Other than to eat, drink, go to the bathroom, go to school and sleep, he has not left nor moved from his room in over a week.

Alec, Izzy and Simon had been around since Clary told him that she wanted no part of their friendship anymore. Nothing they said or did helped him in the slightest.

They had been friends. She'd trusted him with her secret, the one that haunted and tormented her every day for the last two months. Whatever she did, she did for a reason.

And Jace would find out what it was.

A door slammed downstairs, and two pairs of footsteps climbed the stairs leading to Jace's room. The door was shoved open, and Simon and Izzy entered the room.

Izzy looked like she'd been crying, and Simon looked like he'd blown a gasket. Alec sat up in the chair, and Jace climbed off his bed.

"What happened? What did you do, Simon?"

"I  _didn't_ do anything! Trust me when I say I didn't. Izzy, you need to tell them what you told me."

Simon slipped his hand through hers, pressing his lips to her forehead. Her eyes closed, and she let a shaky breath out, wringing her hands together.

"I was raped at a party seven months ago. And I've struggled so much trying to stay strong. I refused to even acknowledge that I'd been raped, locking it away. But I can't stay strong like this anymore, guys."

Tears rolled down her face, and Alec stood, wrapping his arms around his sister's shoulders as she cried. Jace was stock still on the bed, a million thoughts running through his head.

"Izzy…"

Izzy peeked out from Alec's arms, her face red and puffy from all the crying she'd done between Simon's house and Jace's house.

"Yes, Jace?"

"Do you happen to know who it was?"

Izzy backed out of Alec's grasp, and looked up at Simon. He gave her an encouraging nod, and wrapped his arms around her waist, pressing her back into him. He was lending her his strength.

"I-It… It was Sebastian, Jace. I'm so sorry. I should've said something when it happened, but he threatened Alec. He said he'd hurt him if I ever said anything."

Alec and Jace both stood there, ticking like a time bomb. Jace could see Alec getting red in the face. Jace felt the rage burning inside.

_His own fucking brother, for fuck's sake._

But they've had dinner every month before and since then, and he never fucking noticed? That's why Izzy was so formal with him every time they had dinner.

"Jace, please tell me your brother isn't home."

"No, he's not."

* * *

 

Clary paced back and forth in her room, wiping the tears that trailed down her face. Jocelyn had left some time ago with Luke, granting Clary a much-needed reprieve to allow her to cry it out and figure out her next move.

She needed to think. She had to tell Jocelyn and Luke. They weren't as close to Sebastian as Jace was. And if he threatened them, she would kill him.

A rock hit her window, and she stopped, feeling her stomach sink unpleasantly. Sebastian had eyes everywhere. He would know where she lived.

Clary sidled up to the window, and felt her heart skip a beat. Jace's blonde halo of hair glinted in the sun, and he waved slightly. She opened the window and leaned out it.

"Jace, what on Earth are you doing here? I told you—"

"Shut up for a minute, Clary, please. I need to talk and if you could listen, that'd be great."

Clary sighed, and then nodded.

"Izzy was raped, too, Clary. And she's an absolute train wreck, and we—Alec and I—have no idea to console her. I thought you could help."

Clary was shaking her head before she even thought about it. If she got too close again, Sebastian would go after Jace. It was a risk she couldn't take.

"I can't, Jace. It'll be too much for me."

"Clary, I'm begging you."

God, how could she say no?

"Fine. But I'm only going for Izzy, okay?"

* * *

 

"Clary!"

Izzy looked like she'd been through hell. Her makeup was gone, and her face was red and puffy. She was holed up a guest room, but Simon was nowhere to be seen.

"Hey, Izzy. Where's Simon?"

"Alec and Simon are holed up in the drawing room. They're trying to stay calm. Thankfully, Jace is being a referee. But why are you here?"

"Jace came and got me. Thought I might be of some assistance."

Clary took Izzy's hands in her own and squeezed them tightly. Izzy let out a little sob, and the flood began. Tears rolled down her cheeks, and Izzy was shaking so much.

"How could you assist me, Clary? How?"

"Because I went through the same thing you went through. I was raped, too, Izzy."

Her dark brown eyes widened, wet from the tears that fell down her face. Clary took a deep breath, wringing her hands together. She could feel the anxiety building, but she needed to keep calm, for Izzy.

"It was this past November. It was the weekend after Thanksgiving. It was a party, just a party. I had left my friends to go to the bathroom, and my rapist shoved me into a room, slapped me into submission, and raped me. I've developed an addict to cigarettes and alcohol, and I've had anxiety and PTSD ever since. Nightmares, too."

Izzy wiped the tears away, covering her face for a moment before releasing a shaky breath. Clary didn't speak, just let Izzy calm down.

"I-I have avoided everything that reminds me of that night. I hid the dress I was wearing that night from my sight, I deleted all the photos from that night. I even stopped talking to the friends and people I was with and had seen that night. I didn't want to remember. I didn't want to remember the night I lost my virginity."

"I'm gonna tell you something, okay? But please keep it in strict confidence."

Izzy nodded, and Clary began with her story, retelling the worst night of her life, and the person who destroyed her.

* * *

 

Jace was pacing in the drawing room, waiting. The boys agreed to confront Sebastian about what he'd done to Izzy. He'd texted his brother to find out if he was on his way.

He would be home any second.

"Are you guys sure about this? Because once we do this, we can't go back."

"Of course we are. He hurt Izzy. And not only hurt Izzy, but practically lied to you as well. Who knows how long he's done this for, or who else he's done this to."

The front door opened with a loud creak, and the boys looked at each other, nodding in agreement. Jace opened the door to the drawing room and stepped out.

"Sebastian, we need to talk."


	10. chapter 8

"Why haven't you said anything, Clary?"

She shook her head, chewing her lip. Izzy had calmed down finally, but she still looked like she was on the edge of a panic attack.

"I haven't told because Jace is too close to this. If he knew—"

"Screw that! Did he threaten you, too?"

Clary didn't answer, turning away from Izzy. The silence was all she needed to discern the answer.

"He did, didn't he? He threatened Jace, didn't he?"

Clary let out a sigh, wiping her eyes of the tears that threatened to spill over. Izzy crawled across the bed and hugged her, running her fingers over Clary's red hair. She sniffled.

"It's pretty obvious, isn't it?"

Izzy released her, sitting back, smiling softly.

"Obvious? You're more like an open book, Clary. It's so obvious that you like Jace."

"N-No, that's— You're being absolutely ridiculous—"

Izzy chuckled and patted Clary's thigh, effectively shutting her up. It took a lot to shut the red head up. Simon would know better than anyone.

"It's okay. I can see it in your eyes, Clary, when you talk about him. You just light up like the fireworks display during the Fourth of July."

A door shut downstairs, and Jace's voice floated up the stairs from the drawing room.

"Sebastian, we need to talk."

Izzy's face paled, and she looked terrified. Clary took her hands in hers, despite the rolling and turning of her stomach. If Sebastian finds her up here…

"It's okay, Izzy. They won't let him hurt you again."

"But what about you? They don't know about you. He can still hurt you."

"I'd like to see him try. He's already done enough to hurt me."

* * *

 

Jace shut the door behind his brother and crossed his arms as he stood in front of it. Simon and Alec stood from the couches, their arms crossed, too.

"Hello, Sebastian."

"Sebastian."

His brother's eyes flicked between Simon and Alec, his eyebrows raised in questioning. Jace let out a breath, speaking first.

"We know what you did."

"I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about, brother. I didn't do anything."

Alec stepped forward, shoving Sebastian back. The shove caught him off guard, and he dropped his bag on the floor of the drawing room.

"Don't lie, you piece of shit. You raped Izzy. You raped my sister. And if Jace wasn't here, I'd broken your face in by now."

"Oh. That. She was asking for it, you know… She wanted it."

Simon got in his face, jabbing his fingers into Sebastian's chest.

"You need to shut the fuck up. That's my girlfriend you're talking about!"

"Well, your girlfriend's a slut. Plain and simple."

"Hey, that's Izzy you're—"

Alec grabbed Sebastian by collar and punched him in the face. Simon grabbed the other side of his collar and the boys turned him around and shoved him hard.

Sebastian fell on the table, smashing it beneath his weight. Simon gave him a swift kick in the stomach, causing him to curl up on himself.

"Alec, Simon! Enough!"

They backed off, panting, but not before they spat on his face. Sebastian groaned, wiping his face off.

"I'm taking Izzy home. Are you coming, Simon?"

Simon nodded, his jaw working. They left the room, leaving Jace and Sebastian by themselves in the drawing room. Sebastian glared at his brother, a sneer settled on his lips.

"And you didn't stop them for what reason, Jace?"

"You had it coming. If they didn't jump you now, they would've done it later."

"You're an ass."

"Maybe, but at least I don't rape people. I suggest you go hang out at one of your fuck buddies' house tonight. I need a night away from you."

Sebastian spat, and shoved past Jace on his way out the door.

* * *

 

Clary was at the top of the stairs when Sebastian came out. He saw her, and he frowned. She could see the anger in his eyes. Clary gulped, chewing her lower lip.

_Coming here had been such a bad idea._

Sebastian didn't say anything, but his gaze never left her face as he went out the front door. An involuntary shudder went through her after he left.

"Can you take me home, Jace?"

He nodded, taking his keys off the table by the front door, and he handed her a helmet. Once she was situated, Jace started the motorcycle and took off towards her house.

* * *

 

Clary unclasped the helmet and climbed off Jace's bike, holding the helmet out to him. He took it from her and their fingers brushed. She pulled her hand back, but still could feel the warmth in her face.

_Maybe Izzy was right…_

"Thanks for coming, Clary."

It was short and quick. He obviously wanted to leave. But she didn't want him to, not yet, anyway.

"Jace, wait."

Her hand touched his shoulder, and he stopped, lowering the helmet to his lap. Clary chewed the inside of her cheek, sorting her thoughts out before speaking.

"I'm sorry. About… what happened. I'm sorry. I should've taken a different tone when I was talking to you. I feel horrible about it."

"I know. It's okay."

His hand encircled hers, and she thought he was going to take her hand off his shoulder, so he could leave, but his mouth brushed against her palm instead.

Her face burned, and his gold eyes searched hers. Whatever he saw seemed to please him, for he smiled and let her go. Clary sputtered, trying to think of what to say, but she was drawing a blank.

"Just know I'm here for you, okay? Whenever, wherever."

Jace smiled a soft but sad smile at her before donning the helmet and driving off on his bike. Clary watched him ride away, holding her left hand in her right.

Her heart was throbbing painfully in time with her racing thoughts.

* * *

 

Sebastian leaned against the tree, hidden from view, watching Jace kiss Clary's palm. She was flustered, struggling to say something.

Whatever Jace said to her left her standing outside her house for several minutes before heading inside. Once she disappeared from his view, Sebastian continued down the street to Kaelie's house, his need for control of the situation coursing through his veins.

Clarissa Fray had not heeded his warning. It was obvious she needed another lesson.


	11. chapter 9 ||part 1||

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ||TRIGGER||
> 
> ||WARNINGS||
> 
> ||CHECK BEGINNING NOTES FOR TRIGGERS||

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Triggers: Violence & attempted rape

Clary hummed to herself, sketching on her sketchpad. Simon was sitting at her desk, muttering something about algebra problems being a bitch.

It was a peaceful Saturday morning, and Clary didn't wake up with her depression casting a shadow over her head for once. It was nice, pleasant even.

She'd even invited Simon over to hang out with her.

"Okay, I'm done. I'll do this with Izzy later."

Simon packed his math homework up and shoved it into his bag. Clary chuckled, rubbing her index finger over a spot on the paper. Simon quirked an eyebrow.

"Someone's in a better mood. What's got you all giddy?"

She blushed, and immediately ducked behind her sketchpad.

"Nothing."

"Uh-huh…"

Clary heard the chair squeak, and assumed he'd leaned back in it when her sketchpad was yanked from her hands. She let out a squeal and jumped up, trying to get the sketchpad from Simon.

"Nothing my ass."

"Simon, give it back!"

Clary had been drawing Jace on his motorcycle, from the day she'd apologized to him five weeks ago, posed exactly so. His blonde hair was messed up from the helmet, his shirt rumbled from her death grip, and the soft smile he had before he took off.

"Simon, c'mon."

"You're in love with him."

It wasn't a question. It was a statement, one that made Clary stutter and sputter, seeking for an answer to give to her best friend. Not that anything she would say would've gotten past her best friend.

"I-I… S-Shut up, that's not—"

"If you think I'm that dumb, Clary, then you do not know your best friend well enough."

She let out a sigh, and plopped down on the bed, burying her face in her hands. Simon sat down next to her, placing the sketchpad behind them.

"I- Ugh, I just don't know how to say it to his face. I pushed him away, Simon. I pushed him away. He'll think I'm playing with his emotions or something."

Simon gave her shoulder a squeeze, and a shot of relief went through her. She'd forgotten how calming Simon's presence could be sometimes, especially when she needed it most.

"Do you want to hear what I think? And even if you don't, I'm gonna say it anyway. You need to hear this from someone on the outside looking in, after all."

Simon laid back on her bed, putting his hands behind his head. Clary joined him, her arms wrapped around her stomach, her shirt bunching up under her fingers.

"Jace Herondale is completely smitten with you. And in the words of my lovely girlfriend, Jace is head over fucking heels for you, and she's never, not even once in the eighteen years they've known each other, seen him so whipped by a girl he's only known for four months. You've done something to him, Clary."

Clary let out a breath, her fingers gripping her shirt, wrinkling the fabric. Jace had done something to her, too. She'd been so afraid, terrified even, of her memories, of the nightmares that wrecked her nights.

Of the demons that solidified in her reality.

"Simon… I have something to tell you. I need you to possibly keep any freak out to a minimum, please."

Simon quirked a brow at her but nodded anyway. Clary sat up, gripping her hands in front of her. This was going to be the hardest thing she's ever done. Harder then telling Jace, even, because she'd be spilling all the truth out into the open.

_No more lies, no more hiding. I'm tired of hiding. I'm tired of lying to everyone._

"Isabelle's not the only victim of Sebastian's brutality, Simon. I know this first hand."

A sharp hiss slipped out of Simon, and he climbed off her bed, squatting in front of her, his hands on her knees. Despite the position and his hands on her knees, Clary didn't feel scared.

She only felt like a huge weight had been lifted off her shoulders for the first time in months.

"He raped you, too? That son of a bitch. I swear I'm gonna—"

Simon stopped, biting the inside of his cheek for a moment. His hands squeezed her knees before he resumed speaking, his voice soft.

"Does Jace know?"

Clary shook her head, a single tear rolling down her face. Simon hugged her to him, his chin on her head as the sobs started, rocking her to the core.

"He doesn't. And you can't tell him. I have to be the one to say something, Simon, please."

Her stomach lurched, and she shoved at Simon's arms. He released her, and she barely made it to the toilet, vomiting up the remains of her breakfast that morning.

"Clary, are you alright?"

"Yeah, I think I've got a stomach bug or something…"

Simon was silent as she rinsed her mouth out, spitting into the sink. She'd been feeling really off the last five weeks. Constantly sick, having to vomit every damn morning…

She stopped, gripping the edge of the sink as that line replayed through her head. No, no way…There's no way in hell. She couldn't be, could she?

"Clary, do you feel better? Do you need a drink?"

"No…"

She raced out of the bathroom, grabbing her phone and opening her period tracking app. Her period was supposed to come in November, a week after the party.

But nothing came, and she thought nothing of it, blaming it on stress. She'd just been raped, so what could she have expected?

Scrolling through the months, Clary noted that she'd been spotty here and there, but no period. Her stomach clenched as the truth dawned on her.

"No…"

Her phone fell from her hands, skittering across the floor before coming to a stop. Her chest was tight as a heaving panic attack started to take its hold on her.

She hadn't gone to get a rape kit done afterwards. She never even bothered about seeing a gynecologist in the months after. How could she'd go so long without any symptoms?

"Clary. Clary, look at me and breath."

Simon had her shoulders in his hands, forcing her to look at him. She took a shaky breath, and another, and another, until the tight feeling in her chest subsided and she felt sort of better than before.

"Better?"

Clary nodded, although she felt like throwing up again. Her shirt bunched up under her fingers. Oh, god, the smoking,  _the alcohol_. What if she'd harmed the baby?

Good god, she wasn't even sure if she was pregnant. Her brain, her body even, might've been going into overdrive. But she couldn't be sure, unless…

"Simon, call Izzy and tell her to come here. And to stop at the drugstore, please? Tell her I need a pregnancy test."

* * *

 

Clary paced back and forth in front of the sink, chewing her nails down to nubs as she did so. Izzy had been a doll and brought two for her to take, just to make sure the results were correct.

She could hear Simon pacing back and forth. You'd think he was waiting to find out if Rebecca was pregnant or something. Or even Izzy, for that matter. Although, if they'd had sex, Simon would've been walking around with this expression of satisfaction on his face.

_That's not important right now._

"Clary, the test should be done now."

_Here goes nothing._

She picked up the second test, really hoping that the results were the same, at least. She really didn't want to involve a gynecologist. It would involve her having to put everything out into the open: the rape, her irregular periods, everything.

That was not something she was ready to deal with just yet.

Izzy looked up as the door to the bathroom open. Simon stopped mid-pace, his gaze fixed on Clary's, waiting ever so patiently for her to say something.

"They're both positive, guys."

Izzy flung her arms around her, holding Clary as the tears rolled down her cheeks. She was pregnant.

And it was Sebastian's.

"Do you have any idea what you're going to do?"

She shook her head, rubbing at her temples. She wasn't even sure where to begin. It was so much to take in. And even though it was his, there still was a life growing inside her.

And even though she was pissed off that he got her pregnant, she couldn't help how her hands ran along her stomach. She wondered if he or she was even healthy.

If the baby had been hurt by the alcohol she'd consumed over the last six months. If the smoking had hurt their lungs…

"I supposed getting a pre-natal checkup would be a good place to start."

"But that would mean—"

She was going to have to tell Luke and her mother everything.

* * *

 

Luke looked like he was ready to murder someone, Simon noted. He'd stayed behind, sending Izzy off with a kiss and a promise to call her later when he was home.

Where he left his phone. Whoops.

Jocelyn was quiet, a single strand of hair hanging along her cheek. She looked pale, paler than usual, and was working the inside of her cheek.

"It… It happened that weekend after Thanksgiving. I stay home that Monday after the party. I was too scared to go to school. I…I had been having the panic attacks since then, and I've been depressed and suicidal."

"What about the baby, Clarissa?"

She let out a shaky breath, closing her eyes for a moment. Simon gave her shoulder a squeeze, and that seemed to root Clary back to the conversation at hand.

"I didn't get my period after the party. I blamed it on stress. I'd just been raped, so I thought the stress from the aftermath was causing me to miss it."

She ran a hand down her face, sighing softly. Coming clean may feel good, but these kinds of questions take away the feeling.

"I had no idea I was even pregnant. Rape can cause shock, and I'd been vomiting on and off recently since I learned of Sebastian's involvement in my rape. I thought nothing of it."

Jocelyn reached across the table, taking her daughter's hands in hers. Any strength Clary had was sapped, and her shoulders shook as she started to cry, heavy sobs wrecking her body.

Simon squeezed her shoulders as he sat down next to her, his forehead pressed to her shoulder.

"We'll set up an appointment with the Gynecologist for Monday afternoon. We've gotta make sure both of you are okay. We'll take this step for step, okay?"

* * *

 

**MONDAY**

Clary was going to be picked up by Izzy and Simon to meet her parents at the gynecologist's office. She was nervous and hoped that her drinking and smoking hadn't put the baby's health at risk.

Sebastian would not make it out alive if it did. It was his fault that she had resorted to the drinking and the smoking in the first place.

Hell, hath no fury than a woman scorned.

But she had to get through school first before she got to do any of that. She wasn't sure if she wanted to know the gender today or if she'd wait till the baby was born.

As she walked to her fifth period class, her phone buzzed. Pulling it out, thinking it was Simon or Izzy or her mom checking on her again for the millionth time that day, Clary felt her stomach lurch.

_You should've listened, Clarissa. Supply closet, hallway 2, after school. No buts._

Her throat closed on itself. She had a bad feeling that things weren't going to end well.

* * *

 

Sebastian was waiting for her. A black eye otherwise graced his usually flawless features. Clary wondered how he explained away the black eye that Alec dealt him.

"What the hell do you want? I've done everything you've demanded of me. Can't you just leave me the fuck alone?"

Sebastian tsked, and opened the supply closet door, waving her on in. Although reluctant to get into a closet with him, it was time to end this. He wasn't going to keep her in his grasp anymore.

"Seriously, what do you want? I've done what you've asked. Isn't that enough?"

"Not really. You didn't do what I asked, Clarissa."

She gritted her teeth. Annoying bastard.

"And what, exactly, did I not do?"

"I told you to cut Jace out. And yet you end up at our house and made him fall for you. That's not what I asked of you. And now you must pay for it."

Sebastian stepped towards her and she backed up, a sudden burst of fear bubbling in her chest. She knew Sebastian better then anyone on this planet does, and when he said 'she'd pay for it', it wouldn't be good.

"Don't you touch me."

"Don't fight this, Clarissa. It'll over be quickly, and that'll be the end of it."

He was a liar, and she knew it. He'd forever hold this over her head. If she willingly had sex with him, any chance of going after for raping her would be gone.

And she'd never forgive herself for that.

Sebastian reached out, and she slapped his hand away, backing out of his reach. His expression darkened, and Clary swallowed past the lump in her throat.

"You're going to wish you hadn't done that."


	12. chapter 9 ||part 2||

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ||TRIGGER||
> 
> ||WARNINGS||
> 
> |CHECK BEGINNING NOTES||

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings: violence and attempted rape

"Where the hell is she? We're going to be late!"

Izzy checked the time on her phone, pacing back and forth in front of Simon. Simon leaned against Izzy's car, a little blue car with some of the paint scratched off. She lovingly called it "Blue", although Blue was old as hell.

"She didn't mention something coming up, did she?"

"No, Izzy, she did not. I'm not sure where Clarissa is. I only saw her once today."

Izzy swore and sent another text to her, wondering where on Earth she could possibly be. Or what in the hell she could be doing.

"I don't know, Simon, something just really feels off."

"Hey, Iz, Simon."

Jace joined the couple, who both looked at each other a little confused.

"Uh, Jace, why are you still here? Didn't you go home?"

"Sebastian said something about having something to do after school and asked if I'd wait for him. As much as I'd rather leave his ass here to walk home, mom would kill me if I did that."

Izzy and Simon shared a look, their faces paling in unison as they realized why Clarissa hadn't shown up yet. Izzy spun on Jace and grabbed his shoulders.

"Listen to me carefully, Jace. I need you to call Clary's parents. Tell them she's in trouble at the school. I can't tell you much more than that, but we need to find her.  _Now_."

* * *

 

"Dammit, Clarissa, stop fighting. It'll be better once you do."

"Hell will freeze over before you touch me again."

Clary shoved at him, forcing him to stumble. He wasn't hurting her again. It wasn't just her she had to worry about now. And she was tired of feeling guilty about what happened that night.

Sebastian lunged for her, and she ducked out of the way, but barely. His hand grabbed her hair, yanking her back to him and shoving her against the wall.

Her hands hit the wall, protecting herself for hitting the wall too hard.

"I told you, Clarissa, that I get what I want, when I want it. And what I want is  _you_."

"No! Get your hands off me! I'll scream, Sebastian, I'm serious."

"Do it. There's no one here but you and me. No one will hear you scream."

Sebastian undid her belt, then the button, and finally slid the zipper down on her jeans. Clary fought him, biting his hand when he reached for her face.

"You bitch."

Sebastian spun her around, raising his hand to slap her, slap her into submission again, just like before. He thought he could force her into submission again.

But not this time.

Clary grabbed his wrist in the downswing, surprising him. She got in his face, forcing him to step back a little bit as she did so.

"I will not let you make me a victim again. I'm not the same girl who let you slap me into submission. I am better then you, stronger then you, and I will always be!"

The door slammed open then, much to Clary's relief. Simon staked his way into the room first, and grabbed Sebastian by the collar, and headbutted him hard.

He crumbled to the ground, like a doll, and Clary rushed to do her jeans back up. She felt something wet hit her hand, and realized she was tearing up a bit.

"Clary?"

_Jace…_

* * *

 

Simon kicked the door open and dealt with Sebastian. Clary looked relieved that someone had come to her rescue. She was crying as she did her jeans back up.

"Clary?"

Her green eyes snapped up to his face as she did her belt back up. She shoved past Simon, and Izzy stepped aside, letting her through.

"Are you alright? What the hell—"

Her hands grabbed the front of his shirt and yanked him down to her height, her mouth pressing against his. He quickly recovered from the shock, and wrapped an arm around her waist, kissing her back as his hand weaved into her curly red hair.

Her arm wrapped around his neck, holding him to her. The world shrunk to them, and only them. Too soon, it was over, and Jace cupped her face, running his thumb over her bottom lip.

"What was that for?"

"That was my brand of "I was being stupid for so long" kiss."

He chuckled, pressing a light kiss to her cheek, hugging her to him. She buried her head into his neck, as quiet sobs rocked her body.

"I'm glad you're okay."

Clary pulled back, looking up at Jace, her fingers gripping his shirt. There was so much to tell him, so much to still say.

But for now, this was enough.

* * *

 

Izzy, Simon, Clary, Jace, Luke and Jocelyn watched as Sebastian was piled into the back of a police car. The sun was setting, a mix of oranges and yellows and reds.

Jace held Clary's hand, his thumb stroking her knuckles. She felt relief in the action, and she squeezed his hand. Jace returned the squeeze back.

Whatever happened next, Jace would be by her side, her rock through it all.

And she was glad for that.


	13. Epilogue

"How are you feeling?"

"Like a beached whale."

Clary set her sketchpad aside as Jace returned with a cup of water. Two months had passed since Sebastian had been arrested.

Clary managed to pull her grades together after everything and passed her Junior year. After much talk and deliberation, Clary decided she'd do her senior year from home, so she'd be able to spend time with her baby.

She accepted the water from Jace, who sat down next to her. He dropped a kiss to her head before turning his attention to the reason she felt like a beached whale to begin with.

"And how's the munchkin?"

"I think they're sleeping."

Clary had decided not to learn the gender of the baby. So far, everyone's referred to the baby as "they", "they're", and "their" and gifted neutral color clothing.

"That's good."

Clary smiled softly at Jace, but her heart felt heavy. Next month, Sebastian would go on trial. More girls across the state has come forward, saying that he raped them and threatened to hurt their loved ones, too, since his arrest.

The last chapter was shut, done. This one would be about  **justice.**


End file.
